I haven’t been writing much recently. I have many things that I’d like to say, and I have daily inner dialogues about what I could write if I had the time. I made the decision this morning to take the time from now on – I need the outlet of this blog…and if I cannot find 5 minutes (that’s my time limit) to write 150 words, then my life is truly out of control.
Yesterday would have been my 20th anniversary with Prabal. When I got married, I made myself a promise that I’d be doing something special on September 30, 2014. I envisioned a party with all our closest friends, a jazz band and dancing under the stars. In my head the party always transpired at Moon Mountain Winery (now defunct). There would be free-flowing wine, and the most amazingly moist chocolate cake with fluffy white icing. Basically, the 20 year celebration would have been the wedding I wanted but better, with less pressure.
Life is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book. Mine took some surprising turns as I progressed over the past several years. I would not trade those experiences. I love my house, my job, my Per…and I find that I’m happier now than I was those 20 years ago or when I created this event and date in my head. I’m so much more comfortable in my skin, and in my life.
Yesterday I spent some time mourning the promise of a celebration that never was. I kind of wish I could turn the pages of the book back to follow the thread to that special party night. I can almost taste the cake, hear the jazz, and feel the soft breeze on my skin. That was the joy of Choose Your Own Adventure…you could read all the adventures and pick the happiest endings…or just look ahead to see what you missed.
Looking back, September 30th wasn’t all that remarkable in real life. But the dream was truly fantastic.