So This Is Christmas

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And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun

It’s been kind of a strange year, and Christmas is turning out as no exception.  On reflection, this year was my first year without clear focus and commitment.  I had four different jobs, and didn’t fall in love with any of them.  I changed companies twice.  I spent more time off of the bicycle, in an effort to make my weekends less uni-dimensional…and now I miss the bike, and I’ve gained 15 lbs.  So yeah – that probably wasn’t the best idea.  I even spent some time unemployed, although I wouldn’t say I took much time to relax and recharge.

Many things didn’t change.  For the first time in four years, I didn’t move.  I had a consistent relationship.  I didn’t buy a new car, despite spending quite a bit of time looking.  I didn’t hike the Camino Santiago despite planning for it, and even doing a reasonable job of training last Spring.  And my health didn’t appreciably improve — despite trying Chinese herbalists, different diets (gluten free for about 3 months), and changing up my exercise regimen (Pilates FTW).

So maybe this was a year of figuring out what NOT to do.  Next year, it’s back on the bike and I plan to do AIDS LifeCycle again.  I’m keeping the Pilates but subtracting the Chinese herbalists and the diet changes.  I’m sticking with the current company, but I have some new thrusts I’m going to implement on my role and career.

And next year will not be a “Bah Humbug” Christmas….even though this year I suspect that’s exactly what I’ll be feeling in three days.

Happy holidays’ y’all.

And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun

Whammo

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I’ve been meaning to write a post for several days now.  Because they ground me, even when I am busy and stressed and tired.  I have a mental list of about 74.5 different topics I’d like to discuss…many of them funny or ironic or engaging that I’m sure all of you would appreciate.  But it hit me today, as I spoke to my grandfather, that there’s really only one authentic thing I can post at this moment.

I miss my grandmother Betty.  I miss her quiet optimism and steadfastness in the face of every problem.  I miss her sense of humor.  I miss her passion for life.  And I miss being able to call her up and have a conversation about almost nothing – a conversation that nonetheless always made me feel better.  Made me feel loved.

It’s funny how grief hits you in waves, months or even years after the loss.

I miss her hugs.