Holiday Ephiphanies

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I’m pretty sure I fractured my ankle. I waited almost 6 weeks semi-patiently while the sprain healed, expecting that the pain would disappear. The acute swelling and discomfort of the sprain eventually abated — much more slowly than ever before, but still moved in the right direction. I avoided aggressive activities like hill climbing, running, and most cardio activities while I nursed it back to health – relying instead on Pilates (6-8 classes a week!) to maintain some type of fitness level. And it worked, as the pain went away.

And then I went to Denmark, started walking between 4-10 miles a day…and discovered the pain had changed, but it was still there. Now it’s a deep ache inside with extreme discomfort if I try to push off with my right foot or do anything that requires me to place my feet on an un-level surface. It’s an even more worrisome feeling that a simple sprain wasn’t simple…and I’m headed back to the doctor as soon as I return to the US. For now, today is a rest day because my body (especially my right ankle) is screaming at me, after three days of hiking through Copenhangen.

I hate feeling infirm and old. I detest feeling less than fit and whole.

I’ve now been off of work for about 6 days, and my stress is starting to unwind as well. I find that my brain is fractured, too…I dislike this cynical and harried person that I’ve become. I’m still puzzling my way through how I’ll address the situation and increase the net happiness in my professional life. I’m approaching this as any good engineer should – mentally conducting a gap analysis and developing a remediation plan. The core gap seems to be that I feel very busy in my job, but I want more impact on my team, my customers, and my company’s strategy. Now I’m sorting through how I’ll make these things happen.

It’s good to have some mental space, to be able to make the jump from “human doing” to “human evolving” – hopefully I can continue the trend even after vacation.

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