It’s been almost a year since I regularly wrote. I’m not sure when I lost my voice – it wasn’t a formal decision to stop journaling my 150 words a day. I know that I was feeling repetitive, as though all I did was complain about my perennial busy-ness with a liberal smattering of health issues.
However, as I have looked back over these posts I appreciated something very different – that I do occasionally have deep thoughts and observations which tend to fade over time. Rejuvenating this blog gives me the opportunity to record and preserve these thoughts for future contemplation and reference.
I am a “human doing” and not just a human being – my needs, opinions, aspirations, and problems change over time. I’m growing more aware of how my brain practices revisionist history, and integrates current beliefs into past situations. My journal might be one way to preserve these transitions and keep clarity for myself.
My observation for today: at some point over the last several months, I’ve stopped lighthearted laughter and moved towards sarcasm as my primary expression of humor. Today I joined a hip hop dance exercise class at the gym, and acted completely silly and carefree during class. I walked out of class with a smile on my face, and a spring in my step – and I was reminded that fun is FUN. Sarcasm can be disingenuous fun and ultimately isolating….but the hip shaking I was doing didn’t tear anyone’s ego down – not even my own. That’s certainly an insight I need to remember.