Satisfaction

Bink asked a question on Facebook this week which got me thinking. The question: “Biggest satisfaction at work? No judgement, just what lights you up.”

I read the question and moved on, because I was too busy to be bothered. I came back later, and responded with three items: (1) Really understanding a problem and finding a unique fix, bonus points if it’s a humane solution; (2) Cracking introverts and getting them to enjoy engaging with me; and (3) Sharing laughter and humor at work.

All very true and reflective of my personality. Which got me reading the other answers to the post, which were a hodgepodge of milestones, getting approval from others, delivering elegant solutions, complexity of the work, and fixing broken things.

One thing that struck me was that it might be a defining characteristic of introversion that their success criteria have much less to do with people and more to do with the solution itself…while extroverts might define success less by the magnitude of the problem or solution, but more by whether people appreciated the solution or the solution assisted others.

It’s an interesting thought that our reward systems might be aligned to our innate internal or external focus. Maybe there’s also causation linkage – people tend towards extroverts or introvert attitudes based on alignment of their personal reward system. Therefore, because I am on extrovert I am most likely to enjoy rewards associated with praise or connection to others.

So, what’s YOUR biggest satisfaction at work? All indications are that I’ll be rewarded by your response.

Put A Little Love in Your Heart

I mentioned last week that I shrank one of Per’s woolen sweaters, and bought him some replacements. Yesterday, the replacement sweaters arrived from Lands End…three wool blend sweaters that are the special “tall” length that are actually long enough for my 6’5″ boyfriend’s arms.

He tried them on last night after work, and the magic ensued. He was clearly thrilled with his new sweaters, and expressed excitement about having something new to wear to work. And I got the biggest smile I’d seen in ages – as he tried every one of them on and opted to wear one of them for the rest of the evening.

And it hit me…I hadn’t done anything really special for my favorite guy in over a month, and our life had become mundane. That smile is pretty special to me, and I haven’t been seeing it much. Life is short, and sweaters are cheap…I’d buy him a whole mountain of sweaters if it makes him glow. Although I’m fairly sure that trick will only work once, and I need to find something new.

My new plan for 2020: less routine harassment of Per, and more effort at targeting things that make him smile like he did last night. Because that was the best moment I had all month.

I’ve been aiming for “flow” as my 2020 theme — but flow in relationships might not be about lack of conflict, hardships, or surprises….it’s about making your partner feel loved and happy. Flow is real connection, not operational excellence. I’m inspired to do better.

Hitting Walls

Probably the most unifying principle of a new job: hitting walls. Where you don’t even know the right questions to ask, or people to ask to get the job done. And sometimes you don’t even know if you need to be asking questions in the first place.

I’ve discovered my instincts are spot-on when it comes to all the account management stuff associated with Gartner and VMware. Having the strategic discussion, contract negotiations, expectations setting, time management…all this stuff is going well. Finding resources and structuring the discussion has been reasonably easy and accessible.

But hunting new business? Constant minefields with the Analyst Relations team. Constant misfires with prospects who are far more sophisticated than I assume they’ll be, and who often know my product and people better than I do. I keep hitting walls, and I realize that in order to get better…I should start developing a taste for the pain.

After all, if I don’t embrace hitting the wall…the alternative is lack of growth, which isn’t really an alternative at all.

So…embrace the pain, and love the wall. It signals progress.

Eat the Cake

This post can probably be summed up in significantly fewer than 150 words: Life is Short, Eat the Cake.

…Even if it’s somewhat stale Safeway-made cake that sat overnight in the refrigerator, it’s still better than having your morning coffee solo. And it might make you feel a little bit better about your customer running out of budget and canceling some licenses. Because perhaps a calorie surplus will make up a little bit for a commercial budget deficit.

Maybe I don’t even really need a reason. Every day can’t be a cake day (or I’ll need a new budget for pants), but on the days where there’s a cake windfall I should enjoy it without any guilt.

There are many days without windfalls, cake or otherwise. After all, life is nothing without contrasts and challenges. The cake this morning would have been much less fun if I’d gotten cake last week, or any time in the recent past.

Plus, I think cake is especially wonderful in the morning, which isn’t the socially accepted time to ingest icing and decadence.

Cocooning

I was reading a Gartner article in bed this morning, which has been kicking around in the back of my mind. I often read 1-2 articles per morning, while waking up and before starting my day. It’s my transition between “rest mode” and “go mode” — on the good days when I have time before meetings or exercise.

Gartner reports the largest rising consumer sentiments for 2020 are all values that support cocooning — relaxation, serenity, security, and simplicity. Conversely, values like duty, wisdom and independence have dropped out of the top values and goals of Americans.

Consensus says we’d rather be safe than wise, and we’d rather be secure than have independence.

While I know this statement is a stunning simplification (nb: simplicity is aligned with our 2020 core values), I think the current political reality and social reality (rise of Instagram, anyone?) reflects the trend. Gartner calls it Spiritual Cocooning: an emotional pullback and a reaction to the cultural tensions and polarization that have come to define the American experience, which speaks to consumer desire for calm and self-protection.

I’m recently no stranger to cocooning – I’m enjoying my increased time at home and with friends, I’m reading more books and spending more time in bed…reading Gartner articles. One of the best benefits of becoming a Gartner employee, unlimited content consumption about everything from Cybersecurity to cocooning!

Gift of Time

I started today with a to-do list containing 10 items. By the end of the day, the list had expanded to 13 tasks, but I’d completed 6 tasks. Any day where I can get roughly half of my to-do items scratched off is a win. Bonus points because I also commuted to San Francisco, ate a healthy lunch (green tea salad!), and got some face time with my VP.

My job is far less deadline and stress-driven than any of my more recent roles, which has led to me complain quite a bit that I am bored and feel non-essential. However, I’ve been thinking a ton about how my less frenetic pace allows me to be strategic with my customer, and possibly allows me to be more creative as well.

Perhaps I’m a little like an addict coming of an adrenaline high — addicted to stress, being at the center of every deal, and tons of deadlines. I need to remember that being busy isn’t a proxy for importance or effectiveness, and maybe I need to find a different type of high. Given the gift of time, I should start spending my time crafting projects that will drive real value for Gartner and for my customer.

I have a gift of time, now I just need to use it in a valuable way.

Adventures in Tele-Sickness

Things really went off the rails starting Wednesday afternoon. Cold sores proliferated, congestion aggregated, one of my ears stopped listening to anything, and my eyes got itchy. Yes, I got a cold. My first clue was the dime-sized blister on my lower lip….my second clue was the sudden plummet in my perceived temperature which drove me to donning gloves and a thick blanket while working.

The “joy” of telework is that you can still work while you feel miserable – you’re not going to get anyone else sick. You just need to make sure that you don’t send out anything too brain-dead, or say anything you’ll regret later. Oh, and maybe you should skip WebEx video because then people can *see* when you’re coughing or blowing your nose, even if you’re on mute.

 

Sad and disgusting truths about my past 3 work days:

• When you’re sick, you might not notice that you didn’t change your underwear for 2 days.  Be happy people cannot smell you over the phone.
• Mic “booms” on your headset might get coated in mucus at inappropriate times.  Make sure you’re on mute when you clean it up.  Bonus for using alcohol swabs.
• You get to learn how to type comfortably while wearing gloves.
• Remember to comb your hair before using video, and be prepared for someone to remark on your cold sores.
• Be prepared to strip mid-call, when the apparent temperature swing goes from cold to hot, and suddenly you’re dripping sweat on your blanket, gloves, and keyboard.  Again, check for video before removing your shirt.
• Triple check your emails to make sure you have the right email addresses, and the right attachments.  You’ll thank yourself later for not messing that one up.
• Lunch breaks aren’t for food — they’re for naps.  Chin up, it’ll get better.  Someday.

I’m really happy it’s Friday afternoon and everything at my home workstation will be thoroughly sanitized over the weekend…including and especially me.

Scrubbed

I snuck off for a trip to the bank and a carwash during lunch today. My car had been used as target practice for the local birds of Millbrae BART, where I’d estimate that they dedicated an entire day to abusing my car. I’d layered on a film of dirt on top of the bird scat, thanks to a weekend trip to Healdsburg where the house we were staying was on a dirt road.

My car was dirty, but I purchased the “fancy” wash with undercarriage scrub and two passes. I hoped it would manage to chip off the layers of grime. I pulled into the auto wash with a hope and prayer, expecting to see the shiny gray exterior sparkle.

After the wash, I checked the car and was disappointed to discover that much of the abuse from the birds was still present. I entered the shop where I bought the wash, hoping for a free credit to run it through one more time…only to be told that the wash “was only to get the cars a little more clean” and not to take off everything. I expressed annoyance….after all, I bought the “good wash” with all the whistles. After a bit of discussion, the little Asian man trotted out to my car to “see what he could do.”

He immediately set upon my car with Windex and a rag…scrubbing at the remaining poo. As I watched him work away, I felt guilty – here was this 70-ish year old man with a balding head and a threadbare jacket who was scrubbing away at my $40,000 car with a rag. I felt like every bad stereotype of Tech privilege and entitlement.

I abashedly said it was fine, that I would cope…after he scrubbed for a couple of minutes. And I gave him a $5 tip as a thank you…only to have him thank me for the tip and go back to scrubbing for at least 5 more minutes, going over every inch of the car. The entire time I squirmed in discomfort, feeling like I was abusing this man’s pride in his car wash and service. Eventually, he finished…and I drove away, clean of car but soiled in my self-image.

Inner Children

Four years ago, I posted the following on Facebook: “Adulting is a fallacy. We’re all just giant kids inside. I’m finding much more success in my relationships when I keep that in mind, and I’m gentle and loving with those around me.”

I read my Timehop post (after admiring the one from two years ago with Grandpa at Food Pantry) about 6:30 am….and my post was validated before 9 am. I accidentally put Per’s new wool sweater in the dryer and shrank it to be a perfect fit for me. Per immediately shrugged and said “it happens” after I completely freaked out. And, when I felt compelled to buy him not one but THREE new sweaters to make up for the mistake, he calmly messaged me that it hadn’t been necessary to replace them.

If I’m honest with myself, my inner kid is still struggling after Grandpa’s death. Not only do I miss him, but I feel a bit anchorless. When’s the next time I’ll be in Ohio? Why aren’t I getting texts from Hospice at 4:30 am? How do I rationalize my value in this life where I am child-less and dependent-less and in a job where I’m just about as useful as tits on a bull (well, it’s getting better but that’s the brutal assessment)?

Change is constant. Cherish your inner child, and treat her well. Be kind to others, and realize that everyone else is struggling too. That’s my mantra of today, and perhaps it should be a permanent one.

Gather Ye Rosebuds

No, this is not a post about dying, with all respect to Mr. Herrick. I’ve discussed dying too often during the past month. I’m simply going to discuss flowers.

Per bought me flowers the week before Christmas – on his last day in the office before the holiday. It was a simple gesture of love and support, since he knew I was struggling emotionally…and it was dark, wet and cold outside. The fragrance of the lilies, Alstroemeria, and other associated beauties was wonderful – every time I wandered into the hall or dining room it smelled like spring.

Those Alstroemeria flowers are still blooming, and it’s been four weeks. Four weeks of blooms is astounding. I’ve taken out the lilies and other stems as they slowly died and the petals fell off, but the Alstroemeria is still going strong.

The lesson from my experience? Buy flowers when others are focused on different types of gifts. You get fresher, more long-lasting flowers. I’m certain that Christmas isn’t a busy time for florists, so I can only assume that we hit the floral lottery with those Alstroemeria. Four weeks and counting – I’ll let you know when the petals finally start falling.

So, gather ye rosebuds now….and skip gathering as we get closer to Valentines Day, which is surely an inauspicious time to procure flowers.